1. shitshilarious:

    iliveinmattsmithspants:

    territorialcreep:

    itseasytoremember:

    whythefuckareyouromeo:


    0ver-doze
    :

    image

    omg they are so offended if you lick them back. 

    Fun fact! Dogs lick the mouths of those they consider higher in rank! So if you lick them back, they are not offended, they just don’t see themselves as higher than you and they are confused! The second dog must be a very loyal dog because he or she literally refuses to be licked back haha! I love dogs.

    i started reading that expecting an angry rant and it turned out to be one of the nicest things ever.

    I have reblogged this like ten times

    My cat grooms me. What does that mean?

    It means your cat thinks your style is wack and is trying to help

    (Source: kingjrific, via graveyard---queen)

     
  2. (Source: weheartit.com, via deadlyvibes)

     
  3. vicodin-viper:

    tastefullyoffensive:

    Anatomy of Songs [wronghands]

    Twangy bits

    (via graveyard---queen)

     
  4.  
  5. (Source: iguanamouth, via pizza)

     

  6. "

    1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

    2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

    3. Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.

    4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

    5. Always use ‘we’ when referring to your home team or your government.

    6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

    7. Don’t underestimate free throws in a game of ‘horse’.

    8. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

    9. Don’t dumb it down.

    10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

    11. If you’re staying more than one night, unpack.

    12. Never park in front of a bar.

    13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

    14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

    15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

    16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

    17. Never lie to your doctor.

    18. All guns are loaded.

    19. Don’t mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

    20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it’s only once.

    21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

    22. Don’t fill up on bread, no matter how good.

    23. A handshake beats an autograph.

    24. Don’t linger in the doorway. In or out.

    25. If you choose to go in drag, don’t sell yourself short.

    26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

    27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

    28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

    29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

    30. When you’re with new friends, don’t just talk about old friends.

    31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

    32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

    33. It’s never too late for an apology.

    34. Don’t pose with booze.

    35. If you have the right of way, take it.

    36. You don’t get to choose your own nickname.

    37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

    38. Never push someone off a dock.

    39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she’s pregnant.

    40. It’s not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

    41. Don’t make a scene.

    42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

    43. Know when to ignore the camera.

    44. Never gloat.

    45. Invest in good luggage.

    46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It’s her special day, too.

    47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

    48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

    49. Give credit. Take blame.

    50. Suck it up every now and again.

    51. Never be the last one in the pool.

    52. Don’t stare.

    53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

    54. Stand up to bullies. You’ll only have to do it once.

    55. If you’ve made your point, stop talking.

    56. Admit it when you’re wrong.

    57. If you offer to help don’t quit until the job is done.

    58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

    59. Thank the bus driver.

    60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

    61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

    62. Know at least one good joke.

    63. Don’t boo. Even the ref is somebody’s son.

    64. Know how to cook one good meal.

    65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

    66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

    67. It’s okay to go to the movies by yourself.

    68. Dance with your mother/father.

    69. Don’t lose your cool. Especially at work.

    70. Always thank the host.

    71. If you don’t understand, ask before it’s too late.

    72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend’s clothes.

    73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

    74. Be a good listener. Don’t just wait for your turn to talk.

    75. Keep your word.

    76. In college, always sit in the front. You’ll stand out immediately.

    77. Carry your mother’s bags. She carried you for nine months.

    78. Be patient with airport security. They’re just doing their jobs.

    79. Don’t be the talker in a movie.

    80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

    81. You are what you do, not what you say.

    82. Learn to change a tire.

    83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

    84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

    85. Don’t litter.

    86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

    87. You won’t always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

    88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

    89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

    90. Make the little things count.

    91. Always wear a bra at work.

    92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

    93. You’re never too old to need your mom.

    94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet kill.

    95. Know the words to your national anthem.

    96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun than sitting on the bench alone.

    97. Smile at strangers.

    98. Make goals.

    99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

    100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

    "
    — a high school teacher’s list of 100 wisest words (via live-la-bella-e-vita)

    (Source: mar-rs, via pizza)

     
  7.  
  8. (Source: ven0moth, via ifyoulaugh)

     

  9. coconuti:

    me: *dials 911*

    operator: hello 911, what’s your emergency?

    me: i need someone to cuddle with, rub my back, and play with my hair

    operator: someone is on their way, please stay calm

    (via pizza)

     

  10. floozys:

    boys will be bo-“

    *flies in* 

    *punches you in the face*

    bOYS WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE 

    (via channel-your-inner-pigeon)